How Do I Forgive?

“Forgiveness is a mighty spiritual issue. It defies human logic because it’s not about this earth. And when by God’s grace we choose, willfully, intentionally to forgive, the enemy is defeated one more time.” Sheila Walsh

My last blog post revealed the freedom forgiving others brings and how it is the key to forward movement and experiencing the abundant life God has for all of us! It is so important that I am mapping out how to forgive someone. Even though I grew up loving Jesus and receiving His grace from a very young age, I still didn’t fully understand how to forgive someone and extend the same grace I had received from God until I was in my mid-twenties. My breakthrough moment came after studying the Bible about forgiveness and having a friend walk me through forgiving others in prayer. While I can’t sit down with each of you and walk you through the same process, my prayer is that this blog post along with the Holy Spirit and the Bible, will be helpful guides for your own journey of forgiving others. I encourage you to pick up your Bible and do a word study on forgiveness. There are many online resources that can help you do this word study easily. Check out www.blueletterbible.org or www.biblegateway.com. Just type in the word “forgive” and read all the scriptures that pop up. Observe them by considering the who, what, why, when and how of each scripture, and you’ll learn a lot!

Below are seven steps on how to forgive. I’m going to include example prayers for some of the steps. This is to serve as a guide for you, not a formula. The key is to speak to God from your heart with sincerity. Today I’m only focusing on forgiving through prayer, not reconciliation with that person. Reconciliation is an entirely different topic – important – but not the focus for today.

Before we get started, consider having a trusted friend who loves Jesus pray through your forgiveness process with you. Check out what God says about this:

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” ~ James 5:16

It is very powerful to have a prayer partner help you through this process of forgiveness. James says it produces wonderful results – even healing! If you don’t have anyone you are comfortable praying with, don’t worry, you can still do these steps alone and experience the same freedom. If you are sensitive to what God is directing you to do, He will show you if you’re to proceed alone, or He will bring to mind someone to help you walk through this prayer time. 0k – let’s get started!

Step One: Invite God and His grace to come and help you forgive.

Opening Prayer: Holy Spirit, I invite you to come be my Comforter and my Guide. Jesus, I thank you for the grace you have given to me through your death on the cross and the power of your resurrection.  Father God, will you release an even greater measure of your grace from heaven over me right now so that I can forgive those who have hurt me and also receive your forgiveness for anything I have done wrong. Bring to mind those I need to forgive today and what offenses I need to forgive. Please also show me what offenses I have committed against others and you so that I can receive your forgiveness and be made pure. Oh Lord, hide me from the enemy so that this sacred time of prayer can be free of any hindrances in Jesus’ name.

Step Two: Ask God who you need to forgive. Listen to God. Wait as long as it takes for you to be still enough to hear his voice. Write down any names He brings to mind. You might be surprised by who comes up. Just go with it. If you’re thinking of someone specific, there’s a reason they are coming to mind. Once you have listed out the name(s), ask God whom you should focus on first. Consider making two columns under that person’s name. On one side of the column, prayerfully list the offenses that person made against you. On the other side of the column, prayerfully list the offenses you made either in response to that person or perhaps to instigate their hurtful actions toward you.

Step Three: Forgive the person(s) who hurt you out loud in prayer. Why out loud? There’s something powerful about announcing your forgiveness to the unseen spiritual realm around you. It is also important to name the offense against you and release it. The act of forgiving is not a vague thing. It’s hard to forgive a vague offense. Being specific (actually naming the offenses out loud) allows for greater freedom because it shows you know what you’re forgiving.

Prayer of forgiveness: Father God, I choose to forgive (insert name) for (insert offense against you) and making me feel (insert how it made you feel). I release (insert name) from any harm done to me, and I bless (insert name) in Jesus name. Father God, show me the truth about this situation.

Example: I forgive Bob for verbally abusing me and making me feel like I’m not worth anything. I release Bob from any harm done to me, and I bless him in Jesus name. Father God, show me the truth of who I am and who you made me to be.

Step Four: Take ownership of any mistakes God convicts you of regarding this situation, and ask God to forgive you. Often, the person who has hurt you is not the only one at fault. Sometimes we are free and clear of any hurtful acts either against that person or against ourselves. But sometimes we are just as responsible for the outcome of the situation because of either actions we’ve done to instigate the other person’s offense, or the actions we take in response to them.

Prayer of repentance: Father God, I’m sorry for (insert your offense). Forgive me for (insert your offense). I choose today to (insert action God is asking you to take to make this right). Thank you for dying on the cross for me Jesus and paying for all my sins. By your grace, I receive your forgiveness for (insert your offense), and I ask that you help me make right what has gone wrong.

Example: Father God, I’m sorry for believing Bob and not standing up for who you say I am. Forgive me for believing Bob instead of you. I choose today to believe who you say I am, Jesus. Thank you for dying on the cross for me, Jesus, and paying for all my sins. By your grace, Jesus, I receive your forgiveness for not believing you. Father God, I ask that you help me see myself how you see me and not let anyone who says otherwise define me.

It is also important to note that sometimes we need to forgive ourselves. We can pick up guilt and shame or condemnation for our poor choices along the path of life, but God intends us to live in complete freedom. He loves to restore us! If you didn’t add yourself to your list to start with, take a minute to ask God if there’s anything you need to forgive yourself for. If not, great, move onto step five. If so, then take some time to pray through this. God is so gracious and helps us make better choices when we repent and receive his forgiveness.

Prayer of forgiving yourself:

Father God, thank you for your endless grace and for revealing to me this offense I’ve been holding against myself. Jesus, I ask first that you will forgive me for (insert offense). By your grace, I receive your forgiveness for (insert offense).  I also forgive myself for (name the same offense as above) and choose this day to no longer partner with guilt, shame, or condemnation about this sin that is now in the past and has been washed and covered by the blood of Jesus. Thank you, Jesus, that (insert offense) was nailed to the cross the day you died on it to pay for all of our sins. I release my past choices into your hands and ask that you will bring beauty out of the ashes in my life. I surrender to your ways and ask that you will give me grace to choose differently moving forward. Thank you for restoring me to a sweet place of innocence and bringing me freedom in this area.

Before you move to step five, I have one more suggestion for you. Forgiving others and ourselves is a great start! Sometimes though, we hold offenses toward God because life hasn’t gone the way we thought it would. It is critical to release those offenses and accept His perfect ways in order to live in freedom. Take a minute to ask God to search your heart and see if there be any offensive way in you. Ask Him if you have held any offenses against Him specifically. Wait as long as it takes until you get a clear answer from Him. If He shows you any area you have held offenses against Him, take a minute to pray through this as well. It is as freeing as the forgiveness you’ve just worked through.

Prayer of releasing offense against God:

Father God, life has not always gone the way I thought it should, and I have held (insert offense towards God) against you. I have wished things to turn out differently, but now I realize that my lack of surrender to your ways has left me chained down with bitterness and offense toward you, which has not allowed You to move freely in my life. Thank you that your ways, Father God, are higher than my ways. You see the big picture with an eternal perspective, and I have not. Today, I choose to release the offenses I’ve held in my heart toward you. Come cleanse me of any remaining bitterness and offense in my heart toward you, Father God. Give me eyes to see from your perspective, God. By your grace, Jesus, I am now unoffended. Father God, I accept your will, plan, and perfect timing in my life.

Step Five: Return to step two and repeat steps one through four until everyone on your list to forgive has been prayed through.

Step Six: Once you have forgiven everyone on your list, take your list and tear it up. Then throw it away. This is an important action to take so that you do not keep a “record of wrongs.” (See 1 Corinthians 13:5.)

Step Seven: Spend time praising God for what he has done! Journal about it. Sing about it. Dance. Do whatever is in your heart to express praise to God for His goodness and the freedom He has brought you. Praising and worshiping God are actually very powerful weapons in the spiritual realm. I encourage you to make praising God a habit as you move forward in freedom.

Prayer of praise: Thank you, Father God, for freeing me and bringing about healing in me today! I praise you for your grace, love, mercy, and kindness. I thank you for your sovereignty, and that you are the best judge in the world. Thank you for pardoning my mistakes and for helping me to pardon those who have hurt me. I praise you for being trustworthy, faithful, and true. You are so good to me! I give you all the glory, honor, and praise for this new level of freedom in you, Jesus. Fill me up with your grace so that I can continue to release your grace to others. Amen!

Another option is to pray scripture. Psalm 103 is an awesome scripture to praise God with after praying through forgiveness.

Well, my friend, how did it go? Do you feel lighter? More free? You are well on your way to the abundant life God has for you! Moving forward, there are three things to remember and be proactive about doing so that you can stay free from bitterness and resentment:

1. Forgive as soon as you realize you’ve been hurt.
2. Do not even think about the offenses others have made against you in the past. (Isaiah 43:18-19; Phil. 3:13-14)
3. Renew your mind as outlined by Philippians 4:8-9 whenever resentment or bitterness tries to take up residence in you again.

I know we covered a lot of ground here. Feel free to reach out to me if you need clarity on anything I’ve said or if you have any questions about forgiveness. Remember that forgiveness is a lifestyle, not a one-time event. May God’s grace abound in your life and the lives of those you interact with daily!