Perfect Love Drives Out Fear

Fear is a funny thing. If we give into it, it can make us avoid certain things. Conversely, it can make us jump into things that are not at all God’s best intention for us. Unfortunately, fear has held me back at various times in my life. It has driven me to jump into relationships before consulting God. It has also driven me to avoid guys all together during seasons of my life. Fear is just ugly. But I have discovered something wonderful. When I go sit at the feet of my first love, Jesus, the fear cannot stay. Jesus is the One that gives me courage to step into my destiny because He loves me perfectly. The problem is that I haven’t always been keenly aware that Jesus is the only one who can love me perfectly. Out of that place of looking for others to love me perfectly - pain has been born, wounds have festered, and from those wounds fear knocked at my door. I wish I could say I didn’t open the door. But I did. The story doesn’t end there, thankfully.

One of my favorite devotionals is Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling. I cannot even count how many times God has spoken directly into my situation on a given day through it. The daily devotionals are written as if Jesus himself were speaking to the reader. The Jesus Calling devotional for October 2^nd continues to encourage me. It says, “Never take for granted My intimate nearness. Marvel at the wonder of My continual Presence with you. Even the most ardent human lover cannot be with you always. Nor can another person know the intimacies of your heart, mind, and spirit. I know everything about you – even to the number of hairs on your head. You don’t need to work at revealing yourself to Me. Many people spend a lifetime or a small fortune searching for someone who understands them. Yet I am freely available to all who call upon My Name, who open their hearts to receive Me as Savior. This simple act of faith is the beginning of a lifelong love story. I, the Lover of your soul, understand you perfectly and love you eternally.”

This is so true! What our heart longs for is to be known, to be understood perfectly, and to be loved eternally. Where we get into trouble is when we think marriage will fulfill this longing perfectly. If we’re not careful, this longing to be loved completely and fully can become an obsession to find our true love and get married. That of course will solve everything! Wrong. I’ve fallen into this trap before, friends, and it just isn’t true. In fact, this is flat out idolatry. We can be known, understood, and loved by a spouse, but not perfectly. Only God knows us intimately and perfectly, after all He is the one that formed us in our mother’s womb. Now before you think I’m starting to advocate for celibacy only, let me just say that I firmly believe God designed marriage to be the earthly representation of Jesus Christ and his Bride, the Church. It is a beautiful gift and one that God loves to give His children. My point is that marriage, or the desire for marriage, is not meant to take the place of Jesus in our hearts. Rather, marriage is meant to display God’s love for His people and reveal God’s love to us at a whole new level. The topic of celibacy is a completely different conversation. For now, I just want to address those of us who have a deep desire to get married and sometimes struggle with keeping Jesus #1 in our lives.

God often speaks to me through dreams. I recall one dream specifically that exemplifies a beautiful view of what I believe God intends for my relationship with Him to be like as well as my relationship with my future spouse. In the dream there was a young man I was attracted to (whom, after praying about it, I now know is a representation of my future husband). He would come to me and just hang around me. At one point in the dream he was walking toward me and I saw that he had changed into running clothes. He approached me and said, “I’m going for a run, and while I’m gone, is God going to give you good gifts? Because that’s what He’s been telling me!”  I responded by giggling and saying, “Yes, He is!”

What an amazing picture God gave me through this dream. One of the biggest fears I’ve had to overcome and receive healing for is that of abandonment and rejection. So in this dream, God redeemed the picture of what a healthy relationship looks like. While one cannot be with their lover 24/7, God is always present. And He is ultimately the best lover. He gave His son to die for us so that we could live. Now that is true love. I realized through this dream that a loving and healthy relationship looks like your spouse encouraging intimacy with God while at the same time revealing a true picture of who God is. In this case, the young man in my dream revealed God as a giver of good gifts. He also revealed his own intimate relationship with God when he said, “Because that’s what He’s been telling me.” It was such a clear indication that He had been in communication with the Lord and not only that, but on my behalf. 

Who better to know what gifts we would love than God? He is our Creator after all! And what a reassurance that even when we are apart from those we love most, God is always present and inviting us into intimacy with Him. I know that in my own life, it is in that sweet place of intimacy with God that my love tank gets filled to the brim, and that is the only reason I have capacity to love others. When I set my gaze on the Lover of my soul (God), everything is clear and I can live a fulfilled life no matter what circumstance I find myself in. It is in this place that I’ve also received healing and fear has melted away. When my gaze drifts off of the Lover of my soul, however, I notice my decisions and choices decline. The poor choices come forth because I’ve started to operate out of a place of emptiness, which then shifts back into fear. I’ve lived in both places, and I’m here to say that allowing the fullness of God to envelope me and fulfill the deep longings of my heart (that He knows even better than I) is far more rewarding and fulfilling.

Every day I have a choice. What will I focus my gaze on? Will it be Jesus, the One who is the best friend anyone can ask for, or will it be on things I’m lacking in my life and the fear of not ever having them? I believe what we focus on grows. Today I choose to focus my gaze on Jesus and thank Him for loving me, understanding me, and knowing me better than anyone else in this world. Today I choose to thank God for the things that are lacking in my life because it has served to drive me to my knees, seek His face, and as a result receive His abundant and perfect love. Today, I choose to believe that in God’s perfect timing, He has a beautiful marriage for me to be a part of - the ultimate display of true love and an earthly representation of Jesus Christ and his Bride, the Church. Today I choose to return to my first Love. Misty Edward's has captured it so well in her song, I Will Return.