The Power of Forgiving

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you.                                                                                                                                        ~Ephesians 4:32

Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools in living the abundant life. Forgiving activates freedom to live in such a way that you can experience the impossible. I believe this is why forgiveness is often misunderstood and even opposed in our society. We settle for the counterfeit, which is a spirit of entitlement and taking justice into our own hands. Think about it. Countless songs have been written about punishing a love gone bad. They all stem from a sense of “I deserve better,” and “I’m going to make the person that hurt me pay.” In reality, judgment is best left in God’s hands. He sees the big picture, our motivations, and our wounds. I honestly deserve nothing other than hell. I thank God for His mercy. It is only by God’s grace, Jesus’ death on the cross, His subsequent resurrection, and His forgiveness of my sins that I can access the freedom He paid the price for. The moment He laid down His life on the cross, all of my debts were canceled. That gift alone is humbling and freeing all at the same time. So let’s explore three focus areas of forgiveness together and discover why it is such a powerful and valuable action to embrace.

1. There is power in forgiving others.  Life can be messy, and as much as people may not intend to hurt others, it happens. Therefore, it is imperative to learn and practice forgiveness if we want to live in freedom and enjoy the abundant life God has for each of us. Scripture is pretty clear that we are to forgive each other just as Christ Jesus forgave us. It is really a commandment, not a suggestion. That is how important it is. I spent five years trapped in the prison of bitterness toward men because I had been hurt in a dating relationship. The kicker is I thought I had forgiven the guy I had dated…until I really studied what forgiveness was. I lived in oblivion to the state of my heart for five years and as a result, I had a very unhealthy view of men, and it directly impacted my interactions with them. My joy was robbed, and fear was my guide. That is, until the day I learned how to forgive. When I learned how to forgive, I realized that the person I was forgiving was not the only offender. I had contributed to the situation as well. It was then that I learned the key of forgiveness. Not only did I forgive the other person, but I took responsibility for the actions I had made to add injury to insult and asked God to forgive me as well. It was amazing how my heart was revolutionized by this one act of forgiveness. My heart began to awaken to receiving love again, and I saw men through eyes of grace. God restored my perspective to align with His. In my journey towards freedom, I have also learned that it is important to forgive anyone who has impacted my view of a healthy romantic relationship in a negative way. This could be anyone – family members, friends, church members, TV, movies, books, etc. It is good to be aware that forgiveness of others is not limited to a romantic counterpart as they are not the only one that has had influence over our view of what a healthy relationship looks like. In the end, God’s perspective is the most important.
   
2. There is power in forgiving ourselves.  It is so important to recognize that when we make mistakes in romantic relationships, that there is grace for us, too. I can be my own worst critic, but I have found that criticizing myself and wallowing in all I have done wrong stifles any movement forward toward my hopes and dreams. I have learned over time that when I make poor choices, God is merciful and gives me grace to repent and change my actions moving forward. If I look to Him, He helps me learn from my mistake and make better choices. He is a master at bringing beauty from the ashes I created. That is true for all of us. If we give Him our ashes by confessing our sins and repenting, He gladly takes those ashes and turns it all around. I have found it helpful to ask God to forgive me for the sins I have committed against Him, against those I have dated, against myself, and against my future spouse. Receiving forgiveness from God and from myself then allows me to be free from any guilt, shame, or condemnation I have picked up along the way.
    
3. There is power in forgiving God. In this instance, it is not because God has been wrong. It is more because we have held something against Him because He has not acted in a way that we thought He should. For example, I never thought I would be single still, but I am. The God of heaven and earth can move mountains! In light of that, it could be easy for me to hold offense in my heart that my desire for marriage has not happened yet after years of asking Him to move in this area of my life. In my mind, the magic age to be married was by 25. It could appear that I am 7 years late according to my standards. But according to God’s standards, He is right on time. There have been times I have had to lay down the “toddler” part of my heart that said, “I want what I want, and I want it now.” The truth is, His actions are always out of His sovereignty, and we do not always get to know the reasoning behind how He moves or when He moves. The act of forgiving God is in essence releasing any offense we have against Him and surrendering to His sovereignty. When I have released my offense against God and accepted His guidance, plan, and perfect timing, I find myself aligned with God and filled with a peace that passes all understanding.

Do you see the one consistent person involved in all of the scenarios above? Me. Who was the person transformed in these situations as a result of forgiveness? Me.  Do not buy the lie that holding onto your offenses is punishing the other person. In fact, most of the people I have forgiven have absolutely no clue I needed to forgive them. The truth is that holding onto such an offense invites discontentment and bitterness into our lives and we end up locked in a prison cell we had the key to all along – forgiveness. I urge you, pick up the key of forgiveness today, and walk into the abundant life God has for you. Nothing is impossible with God!