Why Are You Single!?!


Why are you single? If you have been single for any length of time, you have probably been asked this many times. Sheer human curiosity wants to know why. Often times this question comes from well meaning people. Parents. Siblings. Uncles. Aunts. Cousins. Friends. Strangers. I know many have said it with the intention of meaning, "You're such a great catch, I can't understand why you're not married!" While it is a wonderful compliment for someone to think I am a great catch, it is the second part of that statement that often times makes me cringe. Let me explain.

Having someone say that they do not understand why I am not married feels like they are saying one of three things: either there is something innately wrong with me, or I am doing something wrong, or God is doing something wrong. I know that is not the intent behind that statement, nor is it the truth. But let me tell you, as a single person who desires to be married, statements like this can be fodder for the enemy to twist into something very discouraging and make me wonder what is wrong with me? Granted, this is when it is my turn to take my thoughts captive and focus on what God says about me instead. This is when declaring the truth becomes vital!

So here is the truth, my friends:
  • Being single is okay.
  • Having a desire to be married is okay.
  • Not having a desire to be married is okay. (The gift of celibacy does exist.)
  • Everyone is on a different path and that is okay.
  • There is no magic formula to follow on the journey towards marriage. 
  • There is nothing wrong with me because I am still single.
  • God is good, faithful, and true. 
  • Even though I have a desire to be married and am not yet, God has not forgotten me.
  • God knows what is best for each of us.
  • God loves to give us good gifts.
  • God is always on time with His promises and gifts.

 Now that we have established the truth, lets get back to the question at hand. Why am I single? I am delighted to say that I am single because of God's abundant goodness, and because singleness is His absolute best for me right now! I truly believe that God has hidden me for my future husband, not from him. In due time (God's due time), all will be revealed. It could be days, weeks, months, or years from now before it is revealed. Or it could be revealed any moment - a suddenly of God so to speak. Until all is revealed, I am confident that singleness is His absolute best for me. Because God is just that good, and He is always on time!

To those of you who have asked why someone is single, I am guessing you are well meaning and you really want the best for your single friends. We singles appreciate that! To be honest though, it took me a long time to discover the why behind my singleness and it is pretty uncomfortable to be asked that question when filled with uncertainty. May I tell you what would be more helpful to us than asking why we are single? May I challenge you to instead champion us singles to live life to the full and to embrace the gift of the present? Will you encourage us and remind us that both singleness and marriage are gifts and it is good to enjoy them both in their due seasons? Instead of asking why we are single, perhaps you can ask us how we feel about being single. This question is a good temperature gage into how sensitive someone is feeling about his or her singleness. The answer to this is a great indicator of what kind of follow up conversation is needed. Maybe it is encouragement. Maybe it is a listening ear. Maybe it is something else entirely. But if you begin the conversation by understanding where the single person stands in that moment, you will be all the more prepared to champion a single person accordingly.

 To all of you who are single, please know that being single is okay! It is more than okay! It is a gift! Marriage is a gift too! I am here to tell you it is well worth it to cherish this season and live it to the full while you can! And do so with glistening hope in expectancy for the next season to come because living in the here and not yet can be a beautiful thing if you let it be. Take this opportunity to pursue Jesus as your first love and receive His abundant love for you. After all, taking the time to build a foundation with Jesus now is powerful and is, in fact, building into your future marriage. Finally, always remember that you are awesome, and God is always working for your best and for His glory even when you cannot see it!

Comments

  1. DebDecember 19, 2013 at 11:23 PM

    Beautifully written, Jamie. Can't wait until you get the whole book published! So proud of you little cousin. :D You are a beautiful, Godly woman. <3

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

11 Secrets to Success for the Single Life

Image
When one of my dear friends, Claire, introduced me as an expert in waiting on God for a husband, I must say the introduction took me by surprise as I had never really thought of myself in that light. But after meeting with the young lady I was introduced to in this manner and sharing revelations, insights, and secrets for living the single life with contentment, I realized God has taught me a lot on this topic, especially in the last decade. While I do not claim to be an expert, I do want to be a faithful steward of all that God has revealed to me on this journey. So I have decided it is time to share the good news with other fellow singles. We need each other to stay encouraged. I hope that by me sharing the insights I have gained on my path toward contentment and living the abundant life no matter what life circumstances hold gives many other singles the freedom to enjoy life to the full more quickly.  John 10:10 is one of my favorite verses in scripture as God has used it man
Read more

Resting in the Trough of Uncertainty

Image
Uncertainty. It’s normal to experience this in the journey of singleness. And in life really. If it is left unembraced though, we can end up striving, disoriented, weary, and troubled. We can even choose to swim against the current God has clearly marked for us making the journey much harder than it was designed to be. I’ve done this a time or two. Ok – maybe more than a time or two. When uncertainty has hovered around me, it’s my thoughts that have wandered and ultimately exposed the weakness of my trust muscles. There have been times that I have thought myself into a frenzy, rather than fix my gaze on Jesus and simply trust Him to lead my heart when the path before me seems unclear. Can you relate? I’m still learning to choose to fix my gaze on Jesus daily. I’m thankful for those moments God has chosen to expose my weakness, though. It’s given me an opportunity to invite God to transform me, to be my strength in weakness, and to expand me into the identity God gave me even when
Read more

Is Grief a Gift?

Image
“The tears…streamed down, and I let them flow as freely as they would, making them a pillow for my heart. On them it rested.” ~ Augustine “Tears are healing. They help to open and cleanse the wound. Grief is a form of validation; it says the wound mattered.” ~ John Eldredge As much as my heart prefers to celebrate and sing a joyous song, I’ve come to a place of befriending grief and sadness. Sorrow cannot be satisfied without it. Giving us emotions was all a part of God’s grand design when He lovingly fashioned us. I haven’t always understood or embraced my emotions. Tears have often betrayed me by springing forth sometimes at the most inopportune times, in public places no less. But there’s beauty in that, isn’t there? Being raw and uninhibited is something that comes easily for a child. Then we grow up and try to hide things. Why? Sometimes life calls for raw emotions. Sometimes it happens in public places. And for that, I’m thankful because often times grief has been
Read more